Forgive Me Please
by angst cupcake
Summary: [Neji x Shikamaru] It was all tearing Shikamaru apart. He had failed his people, his friends...and himself. Neji was the cure.


Neji/Shikamaru Naruto

Forgive Me Please

Shikamaru had failed. He had failed Tsunade. He had failed his team mates. He had failed Konoha. But most of all, he had failed himself. He should have been ready, should have been prepared, for anything. Just like a good ninja would have been. But he hadn't been...and it had cost him.

Sasuke was gone.

Presently Shikamaru sat in a lush green field, legs crossed and fingers entwined together with his chin resting on top of them. He wasn't staring at the sky like he normally would have. No, he was far too...distracted to do that. His eyes had a glazed over look to them as he stared off into the distace. His mind was somewhere else entirely, flowing with the time and yet tearing from its grasp.

Choji and Neji had been in the worst condition. Both had ended up in the ICU bleeding to death with broken bones and major fractures. Even the doctors had eyed them uncertainty. Naruto seemed alright. He had gotten hurt bad, but he was walking around the very next day. Kiba hadn't talked to him since. Probably something to do with the alomost-killed-by-a-sound-ninja thing. Whenever he saw the dog boy, the Inuzuka would glare at him promptly before turnig away without another word.

But Kiba wasn't the only one giving him dirty looks. It seemed that every person in Konoha was throwing hard and wary glances in his direction. They even spoke to him in nasty, disgraceful tones that only deepened the wound that Shikamaru was trying desperately to cover. Even Tsunade seemed to do the same. She spoke to him like she was handling something that disgusted her. Within view of other subordinates, she had demoted him and sent him on his way as if she was losing nothing in particular. Not even the most brilliant of the Konoha people. And so, Shikamaru had walked away.

His mother seemed unable to look at him directly anymore, if not for a few seconds at a time. His father wasn't much better. He had basically tore Shikamaru down. Stripped him of whatever was left...which wasn't much at all. Called him a coward. Called him useless. Called him unable. Called him worthless. And it hurt. He had heard it from several others, but his father was just so much worse.

Although Neji was the hardest blow. For so long, Shikamaru had been wrapped around the Hyugga's finger without the pale-eyed beauty knowing it. And when Shikamaru had gone to see him, Neji replied with brief words and hurried actions, like he was trying to usher Shikamaru from the room the fastest way possible. Shikamaru's heart seemed to be ripped in two.

But Shikamaru couldn't blame any of them, because they were all right in their views. He himself was the only one to blame.

So here Shikamaru sat, eyes off glass searching the distance beyond him. He wished he were out there. Just to go and never come back. Not that anyone would care. In fact, he was pretty sure if he died right now, people would start smiling in Konoha again. Without realizing it, Shikamaru started to recite what might come out of their mouths,

"Well, finally. Took him long enough."

"I know what you mean. The bastards finally gone."

"He couldn't have done it sooner?"

"He's was a coward! What do you expect?"

"Maybe now we can find someone with the actual ability to fight."

"Yeah, and not get anyone else killed...or well, almost killed."

"Finally, the fucker's gone. We should go-"

"You know," A voice cut into Shikamaru's thoughts, "They say insanity can take the form of talking to yourself or those who don't exist." Shikamaru looked up in surprise. He hadn't expected anyone to find him here, much less anyone to come looking for him. Who it was shocked him more.

Hyugga Neji was looming over him, head cocked slightly to the side.

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders and looked away. He was in no mood to talk with anyone. Especially one of the people he had let down so badly.

"Whose they?" Shikamaru asked quietly. He heard a light thid and a shuffle among the blades of grass. It signified that the Hyugga had ACTUALLY chosen to sit down with HIM.

"Oh you know...people." Neji replied. Shikamaru snorted, gazing continuously into the distance. Anything to keep his eyes of Neji. He had probably come to tell him just about everything else the others had already told him, just a little more dangerously. For as many knew, Neji got dangerous when he got mad.

"Is that so." Shikamaru sighed.

"Shikamaru..." Neji breathed, a pale hand resting on Shikamaru's shoulder. Nejo could feel the muscle beneath the jacket tense. From the side of the Nara's face, he could see the expression was braced for any verbal attack that was about to be thrown at him.

"You tried." Was what came out of the Hyugga's mouth rather than an assualt of words. Shikamaru's head snapped in his direction, confusion taking over his features.

"What?" He asked, a strange look of misunderstanding hindering in his eyes. Neji had seen it plenty of times before. It meant he had heard Neji, but wasn't believing a word of it. He had been twisted so badly that he was needing another person to help him unwind again. The grip on Shikamaru's shoulder tightened.

"You tried Shikamaru," Neji repeated, "It doesn't matter what they think. You tried. If anything that's what they should be looking at."

"But it's not and that's-"

"What's tearing you apart." Neji finished. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at him. Neji just gave him one of those trust-me-I-know-how-it-feels looks. Shikamaru hugged his legs to his chest and turned away from Neji. That horrid tightening in his chest was starting up again.

"Shikamaru-"

"No, just don't, ok? I've tried way to hard right now to lock this all away alright," Shikamaru snapped, "I don't need you breaking it back open damn it! I don't need to be reminded of just how much I hate myself right now ok? I'd rather die than do that!" Shikamaru blinked several times and squeezed his eyes closed. Neji recognized that the Nara was trying to hold back tears.

"No one wants you dead Shikamaru." Neji said flatly his hand moving from the Nara's shoulder down to Shikamaru's lower back where stroked soothingly. Shikamaru's hands gripped his own forearms, the urge to cry was getting worse.

"Try telling that to everyone else in Konoha!" And then Shikamaru lost it. He broke down completely, and not like the other times. It felt as though every part of his soul was being torn apart and scattered in every direction. He was losing his grip on reality and his mind was shattering...and for what felt like the first time in his life, Neji didn't think he could do anything.

"I let you all down! Konoha! My team mates! You! Myself! I can't take it anymore! It would just be so much easier if-"

"Don't say it."

"I were dead!" -SLAP- The sound echoed off the hill side and through the air. Shikamaru blinked, tears still showering from his eyes, and a now pink mark showing up on his face. Neji was glaring at him, eyes narrowed.

"Don't you EVER say that again, understand?" NEji hissed, eyes glowing a brilliant shade of white. Shikamaru glowered at him, trying hurriedly wipe the tears from his eyes. What did the Hyugga care? In love with him or not, Shikamaru wouldn't take that. Not now, not ever.

"You know it as well as everyone else does," Shikamaru mumbled, the mark on his cheek starting to sting, "If I weren't here, everything would be...would be fine. Perfect."

"But for it to be "perfect"...you'd have to be in it." Shikamaru glanced at Neji, not sure if he had believed what he had just heard. Instead of being able to ask Neji to repeat himself, soft lips were on his own. There was no force, no tongue, no cling...just purely lips. Shikamaru leaned in, craning his neck a bit to do so and met Neji's mouth more force. Time moved far too quickly and the two found themselves having to breathe.

And Shikamaru began to cry again. He buried his face in Neji's chest, his body shaking. And Neji held him tightly, letting the Nara sob to him.

"Forgive me? Forgive me please!" Shikamaru begged, fingers fisting Neji's shirt within his hands. Neji hugged him closer.

"Always."

Neji held Shikamaru with everything he had while letting the boy's heart break and shatter.

Just so he could be the one to help put it back together in the end.


End file.
